Episode 163 - Embracing Neurodiversity: A Journey of Self-Acceptance with Aymiee Plattner
Aymiee Plattner is a creative adventurer navigating life with an ADHD brain. In this episode, we talk about the challenges of existing as neurodivergent in a neurotypical society. Aymiee shares insights about how she’s learned to become a better advocate for her unique needs and why it’s important to replace shame with unapologetic self-acceptance.
Topics
Aymiee Plattner's Journey with ADHD and Self-acceptance.
Contradictory Self-Perceptions and Reframing Beliefs.
Separating Job from Personal Identity and Celebrating Growth.
Adapting to Individual Needs and Values.
Links
👉If you'd like to embark on a journey of self-acceptance, Book a FREE Discovery Call here!👈
Where to find Aymiee:
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the Self Growth Nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:36]:
life. Hello, nerds. How are you? I'm doing really good because today on the podcast we have Amy Plattner. She is one of my former clients that I love and invited here on the podcast because I think her journey with ADHD is gonna be super inspiring and helpful for many of you. Even if you don't have ADHD, we, talk about her struggle with self acceptance. So she's, for a long time, tried to fit into a system that did not work for the creative adventurer that she is. The whole question behind this episode is how do you go from being ashamed about parts of you that you wish were different to taking those same parts and actually celebrating them and advocating for them as if you were your own best friend. Now before we jump in, I just wanna let you know that if you resonate with Amy, if you feel like you need to do this work on yourself as well, you can sign up to work with me.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:49]:
The link is selfgrowthnerds.com/audacity. You can book a free discovery call there to learn more and see if this is a good fit for you. Okay, now please Amy, tell us more about who you are, and let's get this conversation going.
Aymiee Plattner [00:02:05]:
Hello. Hi. Amy. I'm myself. I'm an adventurer. I have an ADHD brain. My thoughts go everywhere. My interests are many fold. I write, I create, and I like to make connection and tell stories and collect experiences.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:29]:
I love that. You've got one big adventure coming up in 28 days. Can you tell us what that is?
Aymiee Plattner [00:02:37]:
Yeah. After 4 years of waiting and dreaming and hoping, I'm gonna be embarking on my adventure to complete the p hopefully, complete the PCT Pacific Growth Trail in America. I live in Europe currently, so it's a far way to go, but I am incredibly excited for that adventure to come and to challenge myself. Yeah.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:05]:
Yeah. I've heard you talk about that for so long, you know, I'm excited that it's turning into reality.
Aymiee Plattner [00:03:12]:
Yeah. It's very hard to believe that it's actually happening.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:17]:
Okay. So we'll talk about the PCT PCT at the end of the episode, but first, I want to hear more about your story in terms of ADHD. So, when what how old were you when you were diagnosed, and what what was that like?
Aymiee Plattner [00:03:32]:
Well, so I actually didn't get diagnosed until the age of 23. And along with the ADHD diagnosis, I received a host of other mental health Growth. And so in the beginning, I didn't actually take it very seriously, because some of my other issues were kind of taking center stage. And so I could excuse or I did excuse all my, now looking back at it, obvious ADHD symptoms. I excused them with other symptoms with other diagnoses, with other explanations. And it wasn't actually until I went to travel through Asia and I met, this girl, now a very dear friend of mine, who we were talking and made sentence, she goes, oh, I love meeting other people with ADHD. And I was like, what? That's wrong. And then we got talking, and, like, that's when I started looking really looking into it because I, as many other people, had the wrong idea of what ADHD is.
Aymiee Plattner [00:04:50]:
And so I didn't take it seriously. It was something for little boys. And only when I started looking back into it a bit more and kind of like, especially looking at how it presents in women. Because it presents very differently in women and Nerds. And as someone who was born female and has identified as a woman my entire life, the traditional symptoms just weren't right for me. And only when I started looking into it, I was like, oh, yeah. That is actually that that is me. Like, I can empathize with that.
Aymiee Plattner [00:05:31]:
And I do see myself in that and I see my struggles in that. And so I didn't actually work on it or, like, I am currently on medication, and I didn't actually get any treatment for it or work on it actively until I would say 2019, 2020. So at which point I was nearly 30. So No. It'd take quite a while. Okay.
Aymiee Plattner [00:05:59]:
So between 23 years old and 30 years old, it was kind of on the back burner. Can you tell us more about you said you had you used to have the wrong idea of what ADHD is. It's just this thing for little boys. So, what was your idea of it, and what does it actually look like? What what what's it like being a woman with, ADHD brain?
Aymiee Plattner [00:06:21]:
Yeah. So it's kind of I have the stereotypical picture of what ADHD is in my head. I was this little boy hanging out the window, unable to sit still, all of that. And looking back, like, thinking about it rationally, I did have those symptoms. Like, my primary school teacher always said to my mom, like, oh, she's she's so like, she has so much potential if she would only focus. But it she's like her hair, one for go one shoe goes, the other shoe goes, and then the entire girl falls over. And, like, so I I did have those stereotypical symptoms, but because I wasn't a boy Mhmm. I didn't see that.
Aymiee Plattner [00:07:15]:
And so and then as a woman, as a girl, you get raised to be less assertive, to be more quiet. Because as a woman, if you're loud, you're obnoxious, you're bossy. And so I've internalized all of these things. And for me, now that I've grown up, my symptoms are more on the inattentous side. I struggle with executive function, with prioritizing my tasks, with motivation. And over the years, I've internalized a lot of thought patterns that are not very helpful, and I am working hard on deconstructing those. And I've all already gotten really far in doing that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:11]:
So Mhmm. What are some of those messages that you'd say you you heard growing up that you integrated now? That you're working to unlearn? What are the top ones that you're working to unlearn?
Aymiee Plattner [00:08:25]:
So number 1, which is something that I think every single person with ADHD has had in their lives, is the thing I've mentioned before with you have so much potential. If only you would focus, if only you wouldn't be lazy. And I think that is the key one. Like, I have internalized that if I'm not being productive, if I'm not working on something productive, I am being lazy. Whereas now I know, like, it's sometimes it's ADHD paralysis and I'm just sat there and I'm trying to do it and I just can't. It's like I am paralyzed. I can't put the steps in the correct order in order to even know where to get started and what to do. And it's not got nothing to do with me being lazy.
Aymiee Plattner [00:09:22]:
It's got a lot to do with the way that my brain works, and I have to be kinder to myself. And, like, that is, like I think the top message is is, like, you are lazy. You have to try harder. Like, you're not trying hard enough. Also, things like, you talk too much. You talk too loud. Oh my god. How often have I Nerds, be more quiet, you talk too loud.
Aymiee Plattner [00:09:51]:
Or why do you talk too much? And so you start masking and you start, like, trying to adapt to a neurotypical world and pretending to be neurotypical. And that is really difficult. How does that feel? It's it is like you constantly monitor yourself. Like you're constantly like, do I talk too much? Have I listened correctly? Have I am I am I actually not trying? Or am I actually being lazy? And you I think people with ADHD do that thing a lot which is mirroring, where you take on the energy, the speaking pattern, and like the you mirror what the other person gets you, which is partly why people with ADHD gel with each other because if you're like me, then we Better age yourself. Self. Exactly. And then I get to be myself. Yeah.
Aymiee Plattner [00:10:57]:
But, yeah. I mean, it's exhausting to mask the entire time. And sometimes it's hard to realize that you're even doing it.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:07]:
Become your new normal.
Aymiee Plattner [00:11:09]:
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:13]:
How can you tell when you're masking versus when you're not? What are signs for you?
Aymiee Plattner [00:11:20]:
Like, sometimes I don't realize it until after. Like, sometimes I realize it after the fact because I am so drained. I am so exhausted, because it takes so much effort to constantly be like, speak quieter, speak slower, speak less, stop jumping about so much, don't interrupt people. There's so many rules that I have to constantly call to mind and follow, which are just not within my natural workings. Mhmm. Yes. And and then a lot of the time, if you don't follow these rules, people think you're rude. But it's not rude, it's just the way my brain works.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:18]:
What are the situations in which you feel most at ease just being yourself and where those rules can be put aside and you don't have to mask?
Aymiee Plattner [00:12:28]:
I think I feel there's different situations. So one of them is when I'm surrounded when I'm with people, with, like, safe people, then I know I don't have to sit mask around. So whether that's my best friends or my partner or someone that I just know that I can be myself with. So that's one of them. Then sometimes when I'm alone, when I'm being creative, when I start writing, when I actually get in the flow, that also feels really good. And then the third thing is traveling, exploring Because you when you're traveling and when you're, like, doing those things, you see people for a very limited amount of time. And so it's very much like, take it or leave it. Like, I'm not gonna see you again.
Aymiee Plattner [00:13:29]:
So either you deal with me the way that I actually am or you don't, and that's also fine. And I think that is much easier when you're traveling because you know if you don't like the person, if the person doesn't like you, you don't have to see each other again. Whereas when you're at work or you're in your hometown, there's always the possibility that you might run into them again, and so you mask more.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:55]:
Yeah. We've talked a lot about how to, in our sessions about how to bring that kind of attitude to your day to day life. Like developing the the courage to potentially be disliked by some people. Yeah. Mhmm. But, yeah, it's so much easier when the circumstances mean that you won't see the the people again.
Aymiee Plattner [00:14:17]:
Exactly. And especially for, like, I am I am a people pleaser. I've always been a people pleaser. I always wanted to be liked and I wanted to do the best for others. And it's like I am still unlearning these patterns. And some of them, I can confidently say I've mastered. Others, I'm at this step where I realize what I'm doing, but I'm not quite there to catch myself before I do it, if that makes sense.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:50]:
Mhmm. Yes. Yes. That's part of the, the different steps of growth. Yeah. So you're at the the step where you're aware of them. And then, eventually, if if you keep working on them, it it can turn into a a change changed behavior. What are those changed behaviors that you say you've mastered?
Aymiee Plattner [00:15:13]:
I think I am I'm better at not necessarily in the work setting, but in a day to day. If I meet people out and about, I'm a lot better at the take it or leave it. I am who I am. Either you like me the way I am or you don't. And if you don't, that's fine. We don't have to be friends. This gets a lot more difficult at work because I have to keep seeing those people and I have a really hard time accepting which is also related to, your ADHD listeners will probably know what I'm talking about, like, rejection sensitivity.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:02]:
I heard about that. Tell us more about what that means.
Aymiee Plattner [00:16:07]:
So, I mean, rejection is hard for anyone. No one likes being rejected. For someone with rejection sensitivity disorder, it's it's physically painful. It is like it feels for me, it feels like I'm being stabbed, Like, I can't breathe anymore. It is so painful. Like, the emotion is so overwhelming that you can't act rationally because it just hurts. And even though sometimes you know your reaction is unreasonable, it is very hard to deal with that because it's in in in a sense, ADHD is a difficulty in regulating your emotions.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:56]:
Mhmm.
Aymiee Plattner [00:16:56]:
And so rejection sensitivity is a very extreme reaction to actual reaction or even perceived reaction. Rejection, sorry. And, yeah, it it's not it's not Growth. And I think that's what makes a lot of people with ADHD people pleasers.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:19]:
What's been most helpful for you in navigating that?
Aymiee Plattner [00:17:25]:
I think something that I learned especially also through working with you, is sitting with the discomfort and just letting the emotion happen and trying, I don't always manage, but trying not to react until after. Like if I feel if that happens, if that emotion is overwhelming, I try. It doesn't always work. But I try to get myself out of the situation and then come back to it to reevaluate once this wave of emotion has gone, but there is no fighting it. There's no, like, getting over it. You just need to let the waves crash over you, keep standing where you are, and then once it's gone, breathe and reevaluate.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:23]:
Yeah. People don't see me right now, but I'm nodding like with my whole body. I loved your description of what it means to sit in the discomfort. You don't try to resist the wave. The wave is just gonna crash over you, the wave of emotion. Like that sensation you described of the being stabbed Mhmm. In your chest. It is going to to move through you, and eventually it's going to be over.
Aymiee Plattner [00:18:49]:
Yeah. Can you sit with that uncomfortable sensation without avoiding it? Without running away, without drinking it away, without scrolling your phone, like, increasing your tolerance to the discomfort. Exactly. Yeah. So, tell tell us, Amy, what do you think becomes possible when you increase your tolerance to that discomfort?
Aymiee Plattner [00:19:15]:
I think if you learn to be uncomfortable and you learn to sit with that, you you build more courage to do things because you know you've been there. You know you can deal with that discomfort. You know you can deal with it. You know you can get through it. And so you're more likely to take steps that might get you into an uncomfortable situation. And also, I think one thing that I've learned, which was a big thing to learn and a very important thing to learn is just the being kind to myself and the listening to myself and the letting the feelings be there, letting them exist and letting them have their space and take up their space instead of trying to push them away and push them down.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:19]:
Mhmm. Because how did you use to speak to yourself when you felt this way?
Aymiee Plattner [00:20:25]:
Yeah. I mean, I like, the my reaction, I've never been a person to get angry at other people. I've always been someone who got angry at themselves. So if I if there was any form of rejection, any form of perceived rejection, there are some people who will react with blaming the other person. I have always been more on the side of, like, auto aggression. So I would I I I started to talk really mean with myself. Like, I was horrible to myself. And just when I realized that it was an overreaction, it would be like, why are you being so, like, sensitive? Because that's also something I've heard a lot, like, you're too sensitive.
Aymiee Plattner [00:21:16]:
Why are you being so dramatic? Why are you being so sensitive? Why are you being useless? And, like, all these horrible things that I used to tell myself.
Aymiee Plattner [00:21:28]:
Even when you you would realize you were being mean to yourself, it's like, why are you being so mean? And double like a added layer of meanness, like someone shouting that they're a good person.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:39]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:42]:
And so, in learning to be kind to yourself, what does it actually sound like?
Aymiee Plattner [00:21:49]:
For me, it sounds like, like not necessarily validate, not necessarily being like, yes, you are right to that part of myself that is having a really big reaction to something, but being like, you you are allowed to take up that space. And while the reaction might not be rational, your feeling is valid. Your feeling is real. And so recognizing the reality of the ceiling, even if it is out of proportion, it is still real sensation and it is a real ceiling and no answer what triggered it. We can take steps to make it better. Like, whether that is giving yourself some space, whether that is distracting yourself, or that is just looking for sometimes it's it looks like that sounds really horrible. But, like, looking for validation outside of Self, but the validation is not the right word that I'm looking for.
Aymiee Plattner [00:23:04]:
Do you have an exam like a concrete example that would make it easier to understand?
Aymiee Plattner [00:23:10]:
Yeah. So for example, let's take this one. In the lead up to our conversation today, I was very nervous. And I was talking to my partner and I was like, oh my god. What if I talk too much? What if I'm awkward and what if I'm hyper And what if I'm all these horrible things? And I said these things because he is my safe one of my safe people and I I can talk to him. And he was like, listen. Yeah. You talk a lot and you talk loud.
Aymiee Plattner [00:23:47]:
And sometimes it's very hard to follow your, like, train of thought. But that's why we love you. Like, that's that's who you are. That is not a negative thing. And so, like, I think what I'm trying to say is not like a validation, but, like, sometimes you need an outside perspective. And talking to someone and asking them what do you think, what is your view on things, Gives you another perspective because you're not stood you are stood in front of the tree and sometimes you need help to step back. And asking for this for an outside perspective can help.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:28]:
Mhmm. I love that so much. And sometimes the, nuance that I wanna bring here is, you're not putting your well-being in the hands of someone else, Your your well-being is in your hands and you know that in order for you to feel more grounded, in order for you to feel better, one of your go tos is the people that you trust, going to them and asking them. So you're active, you're resourceful in that. You're not dependent on what they have to say. You're you decide, okay, I'm gonna go see this person and I'm gonna ask them, I'm gonna get perspective from them.
Aymiee Plattner [00:25:06]:
I think that's an important point. Yeah. And it's not just anyone, it is people that I do trust and that I love and that I know know me. It's not just looking for anyone's perspective, It's looking for someone who has the context
Aymiee Plattner [00:25:24]:
to their work. Yeah. It's important to choose your your board of advisors wisely. People love you and believe in you. Mhmm. Exactly. To to give you, like, a a a perspective on who you are that's sometimes more grounded in reality or in positive regard, more than your own perspective. Yeah.
Aymiee Plattner [00:25:49]:
Yeah. Now I wanna hear about some of the beliefs you had to reframe. You were talking earlier about how you've integrated, oh, I'm lazy, I should try harder, I'm too much. What are what are your what helps you stay grounded when your brain tries to make you believe that?
Aymiee Plattner [00:26:13]:
Yeah. I think I've had I've always had this very contradictory thought in my head that I am both too much and not enough. And that I have to shape myself into something else in order for other people to like me. And if other people then liked me, then I would be allowed to like myself. And I think one thing that I've reframed is it it's 2 things. It's 2 fold. It's like number 1, you are who you are, flaws and all. But you are who you are and your flaws make you the person that you are, and you are loved by so many people and you don't need to change who you are to be loved.
Aymiee Plattner [00:27:09]:
And if someone doesn't, that is also okay. And then the other one is kind of like that. If I catch myself with that negative self talk, to be, like, the thought and I think that was something that you said to me as well. It's like trying to talk to myself the way that I talk to my friends. And if I say something mean to me, it's like, would you say that to your friend who was in that situation? No, you wouldn't because that is a horrible thing to say. And so it's kind of like, again, like the kindness and the reframing who is import like, who is the protagonist of my life. The protagonist of my life is me, and everyone is their own like, everyone is a protagonist in their own lives. And you have to live with Self.
Aymiee Plattner [00:28:07]:
So you have to learn to love Self, flaws and all. And obviously you Growth, you work on yourself. Just because you have a flaw doesn't mean you're always, If it's something you really wanna change, change it. Work on it. It's not gonna be a it's not gonna change tomorrow, but you can work on yourselves. And then there's also things that you just have to accept about yourself.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:28:36]:
Yeah. That's a fine line. Yeah. How do you figure that out? What you can work on and what you just have to accept?
Aymiee Plattner [00:28:44]:
I think for me, and that is a it's a really difficult topic because it there's so much nuance in it. But, like, for me getting diagnosed and, like, learning about my diagnoses, especially my ADHD, has helped me find that line, that there are some things like, I am so forgetful, for example. I am like it's like an etch a sketch in there. It's horrible. I'm so forgetful. And the more that I've learned about ADHD and executive function issues and working memory issues, the more I've been like, okay, that is not it's not a character flaw that I am forgetful. It my brain doesn't have enough RAM. Like, there's a lot of memory space there.
Aymiee Plattner [00:29:37]:
And so what I can do is, like, I can find coping mechanisms. I write things in my calendar. I write everything down. But even with that, like I will forget things and I'm just gonna have to live with that. And then, around me, will have to live with that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:29:54]:
So being aware being curious about what's in your nature. Yeah. Meaning like, I'm thinking, let's think of, a small animal next to a giraffe. If we were to expect the small animal to eat like the same leaves as the giraffe is eating, and shaming them for not being able to stretch their neck as long as the giraffe is, it's like they're gonna live their whole life feeling miserable when it's not their fault at all. They just, they would Nerds, like, a ladder to help them
Aymiee Plattner [00:30:27]:
get there. Yeah. And I think I think that's another thing is, like, you you as someone with ADHD living in a neurotypical world, in a world that is made for a brain that works very differently to mine, there are some things that you can deal with in terms of like with coping mechanisms, different strategies, but there's also things where you can't adapt to life. You need to make your life adapt to you. And that looks like finding a job or doing something that allows you to work flexible hours, for example. That where you can give yourself the grace of being like, okay, now, today, this moment is a really bad brain day. So I either can't do anything or I can only do easy things. But then making use, like, being able to shift your time around and shift your tasks around where you pay attention and take the right steps to make them work for your brain and for how you are.
Aymiee Plattner [00:31:44]:
And then also for me, it was the realization of, like, work for me because for a very long time and you know this because we've talked about this a lot a lot was like, I was always worried about like what should I do for work. Mhmm. I don't have a dream job. And I don't know why I've heard this but I love the sentence like, I don't have a dream job because I don't dream of labor.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:32:15]:
I remember you telling me that.
Aymiee Plattner [00:32:16]:
And that that, like, I that sentence is, like, yes. Yes. So I have a job and I do my job in order to be able to afford my work. And I am glad enough and lucky enough to have a job where I can work with my brain and work like, do flexible hours and work when I can work it and shift it around. But also not putting too much emphasis on that part of my life and putting more emphasis on, like, living my dreams like the PCT. Going traveling, seeing the world, making experiences. I remember we did the the core value Mhmm. Exercise together.
Aymiee Plattner [00:33:02]:
And I actually have them just above me here, my 5 core values. And so now whenever I make a decision or I think about something, I think about my core values and I think about does it align with me and does it align with those values? And sometimes it won't a 100%, but it's you weigh it up. You weigh it up. Does it align enough or is there too much tension between this and my core values? And if there's too much tension then we have to move on and we have to find something else.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:33:38]:
A 100%. It makes you like a super intentional decision maker. What I keep hearing from you in the last 10 minutes is you've got to be an active driver of your life. Especially when you have an ADHD brain. Like, okay, I have very unique needs and unique values, and if they're not fulfilled, I just struggle to move through my day. And so I have to get to know myself, get to know how to take care of Self, and and take this active role in my life instead of just hoping that, I don't know, hoping that it happens for me magically, hoping that someone's someone comes to to to save me.
Aymiee Plattner [00:34:23]:
You've taken charge, taken charge of your own life. It's intention, yeah. It is it is moving through life with self love and intention and compassion for yourself and for others and for the world around you. And I think one thing that I've been saying to my friends a lot lately is, which, like, in the last few years, one thing that I learned is I still don't know what I want from life. I don't. But I know what I don't want, and that is such an amazing like, I don't even wanna say step in the right direction because I don't think anyone knows what they want to do with their lives. Like, you have, like, an approximate plan, but, like, do you really know? But figuring out what you don't want already kind of narrows everything down and helps you make decisions. And so I have my core values, and I know I want my lives to align with that.
Aymiee Plattner [00:35:30]:
And that helps me figure out what it is that I can't live with in my life, that I can't deal with, whether that is, professional things, people in my life, or just general, like, life things. And I'm like, okay. No. I actually don't want to deal with this. And I don't it's not a necessity, so I can move on and change my focus and intentionally change my focus.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:36:00]:
Mhmm. Yes. So saying no is just as important as saying yes. Knowing what you wanna say no to. Exactly. What are examples of things you've realized in recent years that are a big no for you that you no longer want to accept?
Aymiee Plattner [00:36:19]:
I think one thing that I've realized is I I don't want people that take advantage of who I am. And I used to make excuses for this a lot, and now there are certain, certain traits in people that I'm just not I don't for example, very concrete one, I don't want to have people in my life that don't hear me, that don't listen to me. And sometimes you talk and the people the person always, oh, yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. But you can tell they're not listening, they're not hearing what you are saying. And so that is something if someone can't listen to me and someone doesn't hear me, then they can't be part of the inner circle of my life.
Aymiee Plattner [00:37:21]:
Mhmm. And then professionally, like, I've realized that I don't want a job that takes up too much of my time because I need my time, my life, to do the things that I love and to explore the things that I love. And like there's loads of like little things.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:37:46]:
Is there anything you've had to, accept in order to be able to own that? In in in order to be able to say, you know what? My job is not going to be my identity. I don't want a job that takes too much time. Because I get the sense that you are not always this comfortable saying something like that. So what have you had to accept or let go of?
Aymiee Plattner [00:38:09]:
I think one thing that I just had to let go of is that that interwovenness of your professional engagement and your life. Because in my life, the people in my life, my parents, like, my family around me, they very much define themselves over their jobs. So that's why, like, in the beginning when you asked me, introduce Self, who are you, what do you do, A few years ago, half a year ago, a year ago, my answer would have been my job title. Not because that's how I identified myself with, but that's who I thought I should identify myself with.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:38:58]:
Mhmm.
Aymiee Plattner [00:39:00]:
Whereas now, I'm at a point where I'm like, this is it's it's my job, but it's not part of who I am. I don't answer the question, what do you do, with my job title anymore. And that is something that I had to work on a lot, like that separation of job and my identity and who I am, and that they don't have to be interwoven. They can be and for a lot of people they are and that is beautiful, but they don't have to be. You don't have to identify yourself with your job.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:39:38]:
Mhmm. I love that. I love that so much. What would you want to tell your past Self? From, say, when you were 30 years old, when you just started learning about ADHD? What did that version of you need to hear?
Aymiee Plattner [00:39:58]:
I think, forgive yourself, don't blame yourself, and look how far you've come. Because even though my work on ADHD has been fairly recent, My general work on my mental health has been a lifelong progress. I've been struggling with my mental health my entire life. And sometimes you forget how far you've come. Yeah. And so that is something that now I'm really good at And I'm actually really proud of myself that I am so good at it, that I can look and be like, okay. Yes. We've taken a step backwards, but look how far we've come.
Aymiee Plattner [00:40:47]:
Like, it used to feel like 1 step forward, 5 step backs with 5 sorry. It used to look like one step forward, 5 steps back, whereas now I know it's been 5 step forwards, one step back. And, like, yes, I've taken a step back, but I'm still 4 steps further than when I started.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:41:09]:
Yeah. And not beating yourself up every time you do take a step back.
Aymiee Plattner [00:41:14]:
Exactly. Exactly. I remember you coming in questions in linear. Exactly,
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:41:18]:
yeah. We have to constantly remind ourselves of that. So, I remember sessions where you would come in and you would basically say something along the lines of, I should have figured my whole self out by now. And we talked about how much pressure that is, and how actually it's a lifelong journey.
Aymiee Plattner [00:41:39]:
Yeah. Yeah. And, like, I don't I think I've let go of the expectation to figure myself out. I am, like, I'm now nearly 33, and I can finally say, like, I'm comfortable with who I am. There's still aspects where I'm like, maybe we should work on that. But, I mean, of course there are. And but I've grown so much over the past few years, and I've made such huge strides. And I think one thing that I learned, and and I learned especially also through working with you, is, like, sometimes just stop and be like, hey.
Aymiee Plattner [00:42:25]:
Pat on the back. You did really well. Mhmm. And I think recognizing your growth is a huge contributor to further growth. Fuck yes. Please say
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:42:41]:
it louder for the people in the back. Yes. Like developing a practice of self celebration. Why do you think it helps you keep growing?
Aymiee Plattner [00:42:52]:
I think because it helps you see yourself in, like, the way that it really is. Like, we talked about before with, like, the perspective, like, when you're stood too close, you can't see. And I think through the the practice of looking and, like, where have I started and where am I now? That is a practice of taking a step back and gaining
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:43:26]:
through hiking analogies for you, very relevant. It's the same when you're on the PCT and you get to a summit, and then you look back and you see the summit you were on a week ago. And it's so far, it's tiny in the distance, and you're like, this is me? I walked with my 2 little chicken legs all the way here. I'm so strong. Look at what I can do. I can keep going. Like, I can get to that other summit. It's that that's the power of perspective.
Aymiee Plattner [00:43:57]:
Yeah. And the other one is like seeing Growth. Instead of being like, I'm not done growing yet yet, it's like seeing it in a more playful light, where kind of like choosing a trail. Okay, what's the next trail I'm going to hike? It's oh, what's the next aspect of me that I want to work on improving? From a playful place, not from a place of I need to fix myself, just from a place of I have a desire to evolve and become a better human being. And I
Aymiee Plattner [00:44:25]:
think that that's the difference. And, like, sometimes the difference is the tone of voice. It's like you can say, oh, I'm not done growing yet, or you can say, oh my god. I am not done growing yet. And, like, it's the same sentence, but it, like, it makes a difference.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:44:46]:
Mhmm. So true. It's instead of being judgmental, it's curious, and excited, and open. Yeah. Exactly, yeah. You've talked here and there about what you learned working together. How would you summarize what coaching was like for you? And in what kind of ways it helped?
Aymiee Plattner [00:45:11]:
Yeah, I think it helped me in the sense of, like I said again and again, like, gaining a different perspective of myself, of the people around me, and of expectations that I've put on myself and that I've had. And I think the 2 of us were really good kind of match. We were a really good match because I needed exactly that. What you offered, I needed someone to push. I needed someone to push back at me, push back at my assumption, and someone to push me forward and be like, stop walking to yourself like this and also take a step back. Like, just zoom out, zoom out. I think that is something that you did so well that helped me incredibly. Also, the externalizing the feelings, mainly.
Aymiee Plattner [00:46:21]:
Like, you have so many wonderful analogies of, like, what does this part of you Nerds, or what does this part of you say at, like, the conference table in your head? And why does it not have a spot, or why does it have a spot, and what what is important. And I think, like, just the tools that you taught me were very helpful to add to my collection of, like, whenever I fall back into a spiral or whenever I fall back into negative thought patterns, I do now have this whole array of different tools to work with and apply to different situations. And also, I think working with someone where you can feel like the person believing in you and seeing you for who you are, that is an amazing motivator to keep working and to do the work even if it's hard.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:47:31]:
Yeah, yeah. I love that. And I love the idea that, to me it's a success when I work with someone and then after a period of time, they can say, okay, thank you. I don't need this anymore. I'm going back out into the world with my tools and I can apply the tools I've learned on my own to what's going on in my life. Yeah. And what I see is how you've become such a good advocate for yourself.
Aymiee Plattner [00:48:00]:
Yeah, that is definitely true.
Aymiee Plattner [00:48:02]:
This is who I am, this is what I need, and I'm gonna go get it. Almost like a parent to yourself or a best friend, whichever analogy you prefer, that's that's walking next to you when you're feeling vulnerable, when you're feeling when you're struggling. And that's like, this is Amy. We love her. And here's what she Nerds. And we're gonna create a life that is that works for her. Yeah. Like you've become more of that person for yourself.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:48:30]:
That's beautiful. 100%. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Amy.
Aymiee Plattner [00:48:37]:
Thank you for having me.
Aymiee Plattner [00:48:38]:
You shared so much wise insight that I'm sure is going to be helpful for many listeners. If my listeners want to keep in touch with you to follow your through hike of the PCT that's starting in a month? Where can they find you, and what do you have to offer to help, them even more?
Aymiee Plattner [00:49:00]:
Yeah. So I have an Instagram, YouTube, and a blog, All of which is on Amy misadventurous. That's a y m I e e, misadventurous. On YouTube, I'm gonna be, hopefully, filming my PCT trip, and I'm gonna upload vlogs as I go along. That is if it's like, if it turns out to be too much and I kinda Yeah. Enjoying the experience, then I'm not gonna do it, but I'm definitely gonna start out and try to do it, because I think it's something really nice to look back on. And if anyone wants to follow along, Amy Misadventures on YouTube. I have a blog where I write about travel and ADHD and just life with ADHD.
Aymiee Plattner [00:49:51]:
So that is also something where you can read. That is currently not very active, but I am currently writing something new for it. So there's gonna be something new out soon. And on Instagram is your usual pictures and videos.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:50:06]:
And all of these links are going to be in the show notes, so it's all on Self Podcast you wanna find Amy on all these platforms. Thank you again so much Amy and have fun on the trail.
Aymiee Plattner [00:50:22]:
Thank you so much.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:50:26]:
Wow. What a fascinating conversation. Isn't she lovely and full of wisdom? If you found yourself thinking during the episode that you want to do this work too, now is the time. We can work together. Just book a discovery call with me for free at selfgaultnerds.com/audacity. In this 45 minute call, we're gonna talk about where you are, about where you wanna be, about the obstacles that get in your way. I'm gonna tell you more about my approach, about my 3 part framework and how it can help you and then you'll be able to decide if you wanna move forward. No strings attached. At least you will have all the information you need to make an empowered decision for yourself.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:51:12]:
Okay. So it's self Growth nerds.com/audacity, and I cannot wait to meet you. Everyone, have a wonderful, wonderful week. I'm sending you lots of love and I will talk to you soon. Bye.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:51:31]:
If you love what you're hearing on the South Growth Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com Nerds message me on instagram at self Growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.